You’d. Better. VOTE (for Obama)!!!!!!!

I just finished reading GOOD Magazine’s Election Issue, in which they present “1565 Reasons to Vote”—a clever, compelling, and reasonably unbiased look at the excuses people make for not voting—and the CRUCIAL importance of bucking that trend on November 4, 2008.

Generous Genius that I am, I thought I’d share a few highlights…

Reason 101:
20% of NYU students polled recently said they’d give up their right to vote in 2008 for an iPod Touch. A f**king iPod Touch.

Reason 784:
You voted for Prom Queen in high school. Ditto season 2 of American Idol.

Reason 963:
Your polling place is really easy to find: vote411.org

[Not to harp on American Idol, but…] Reason 1281:
Because it’s a slightly more important vote than the next American Idol.

Reason 1283:
Former musician and full-time Whack Job Ted Nugent recently penned a “Teditorial” titled “Sarah Palin is My Girl.” Didn’t see that one coming, did ya?

Reason 1544:
“Not because it’s cool, because it’s not. You know what’s cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.” – Jon Stewart

Reason 1524:
The average white man born in 1936 had a life expectancy of 58 years. John McCain was born in 1936. Um… he’s 72.

Reason 1559:
The seemingly important choices you make on other days in November—should I have more turkey?—are pretty trite by comparison.

And my mostest favoritest reason of all, brought to you by none other than Oscar the Grouch:

“Vote for the things you believe in—like trash, the freedom to stink and the unalienable right to annoy people!”

YEAH!

Kidding aside, THE ONLY LEGITIMATE EXCUSE ANY ELIGIBLE AMERICAN SHOULD HAVE FOR NOT VOTING IN THIS YEAR’S MUY IMPORTANTE ELECTION IS, “I WAS DEAD.” !!!!!!!

Even giving birth on election day is not a legitimate excuse, sorry. After all, you could drop by the polling place during early labor or vote by absentee ballot. Right?

Seriously, people. Have you seen what’s going on out there?

There’s this:

And this:

And don’t even get me started on issues like education, health care, or the environment.

I’ll be blunt: The Bush Administration has f**ked this country and good. Undeniably the worst president in US history, Dubs is living proof that idiots and “mavericks” shouldn’t run the country. His legacy in office has brought our economy, our environment, our educational system, our freedom, and our future TO ITS KNEES.

Please, oh, please don’t sit on your hiney next month and let the dumb-dumbs that are afraid of a black man taking the Oval Office perpetuate the same self-serving, misguided, irresponsible decision-making that has gotten us into this mess.

It’s time for change. BIG, REAL change. Change for the better.

It’s time for us ALL to vote for Barack Obama.

I’ll complete my resounding endorsement for Obama by sharing a quote from author Michael Pollan that I think quite eloquently states the situation we are in—and the most compelling reason for you to vote for Obama on November 4th:

“Over the past eight years, the government has taken steps to radically curtail our liberties and erode some of the bedrock principles of our republic—from undermining habeas corpus to conducting torture in our name. To decline to vote is to tacitly accept the administration’s redefinition of the republic; to vote for a new government this fall is to reject the project and, we can hope, begin to roll it back.”

See you at the polls.